the guestbook

description of older


learning from mistakes - 2005-06-09
pole lotta love - 2004-09-16
count on this - 2004-09-12
rude girl xscrhcx - 2004-09-11
going out drinking beer - 2004-09-10

if you want to know you'll have to ask

nothing new to tell and nothing else to say

the end

the weekend was pretty shitty, once again my expectations were my downfall. i still feel like mush today but i refuse to blame the vodka. instead i blame nimbin, a cold, boring little town full of dirty hippies. too much time was spent in the car and i didn't get to shower the whole time. so by the time i got home i was well angry again. i'm angry all the time, you can tell i'm not getting enough, and i'm not talking about milk. next thing you know i'll start listening to pantera again.

a couple of good things came out of the weekend. i got to get to know green better and talk to timdog and it was just good to get away from everything. on the sunday we were in nimbin and i was walking down the street and ran into an old boyfriend, moo (that's his actual name and not one i gave him), who i hadn't seen almost 2 years. and i thought he hadn't changed abit. and then i realised i was wearing almost exactly the same thing as the last time i ever saw him. i have a weird memory for that sort of thing. anyway, we hugged and talked briefly, it sort of freaked me out and my heart was in my throat.

i remember the first time i saw him quite clearly, i was at a party after work and we were sitting in the backyard he had long blue hair and was the first boy i'd seen in ages with more facial piercings than myself. (double lips rings - yum) his eyes were almost golden and he worked as an italian hairdye distributer for salons (he got big tubs of the stuff for free). we sat and smiled at eachother and i knew i wanted him. unfortunately alcohol was working against me that night and i ended up getting back with my ex the hairy goblin.

i stayed with the hairy goblin for another couple of months and became quite close to his circle of friends, which included moo and betty, another girl who was totaly in love with moo and i really liked her too. i used to cut her hair and she'd tell me about how much she liked moo. the hairy goblin and i broke up but stayed friends for another couple of months in which i dated too many boys. finally my 19th birthday arrived and i had a party. a very grand party with bands playing in the backyard and lots of decadence and james was back from sydney and i'd just dropped another perfectly fine boyfriend (IT boy) the day before and i couldn't have been happier.

the night before the party i got a call from moo saying he was coming to the party. i knew he liked me from too many long glances and lingering hugs. but there was betty and the hairy goblin. hairy goblin came round about 1am and we sat talking, he was always good to talk to (he loved to gossip and bitch). i told him that moo had called and he said promise me that you won't hook up with him. i told him i promised, but even then i knew it was in vain.

after the cops had come and told us to turn off the music and everyone had drunk and smoked too much we were sitting around the back and one thing lead to another and i was in my room giving moo a back rub. the hairy goblin took betty home in tears even though i was adament that nothing had happened yet, and it hadn't.

so then i was sitting on the bed with moo and he told me he liked me and i probably said something drunk and stupid about liking him too. then i said that i couldn't do anything cause of betty and he told me he knew and didn't like her that way and that she knew that they were only friends. when we kissed you could hear the clinging of surgical steel against surgical steel. it was very punkrock.

we went out for a month, of which i remember very little, and betty found another boy not long after who she fell in love with, the hairy goblin and i never spoke again.

so yeah it was weird seeing him again.

you haven't been completely drunk until you've lost control of all your bodily functions.

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