nothing new to tell and nothing else to say

the end

there are no words for the feelings i have for him. we make grand pormises to eachother and then fall back into the same routine, patterns, the same shit... over & over again. and i thought i was smart enough to know better, to learn from my mistakes, strong enough to pull away, let go/ not care. but we always end up back here. i'm sick of the person that you've become and i don't like it. i don't know if you changed or i changed or maybe we've both been always the same and i didn't know it. i can't see past your eyes and when they fill my world with these lies i want to hold onto everyhting i remember so fondly, so tightly. everything i thought was good but wasn't realand now it's not there anymore... and you want to smoke and you do and it's vile and gross and sickening i feel like i've been betrayed when you do... from when you told me that you didn't want to and know you suck them down eventhough you know better [which makes me think that you will do anything you want to regardless of my feelings or of me and you have always been this selfish] and i stick around even though i know better. but i think that you don't care to begin with. I'M SO FUCKING SICK OF EXCUSES AND FIGHTING. i hate how you say all the things you want to do but never do all the things you say. you could be so wonderful. i hate you smoking pot cause it makes our realities so much further away and i hate how it makes you so numb and lifeless cause when you smoke it kills something inside you. your brains/ ideas/ memories and you're left sitting there... forgetting... all the things you should be remembering - to call me, our anniversary, to go to your audition to get into uni, to be at work early, to come over late. i hate that i still sit here and wait and it never gets any easier and i'm sick of it all.

for all the times he's seen me cry there's a million times he hasn't.

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