nothing new to tell and nothing else to say

the end

after a nap i feeling much more positive but maybe it's just denial. i called in sick for work 'cause as of 9am i was still chucking my guts up but i haven't for an hour now so hopefully no more of that. last night was one of those nights were i decided no more drinking but tonight is ballerina's "sex is hot pink" 21st party so i can't see this pact lasting much longer than the rest of the day unless i still feel sick the s'arvo

actually had a very good night apart from the general sadness. i went to a swing club in the city which is held 3 times a month and it was so fun except i didn't go for a whirl around the dance floor because everyone was amazing dancers so i was just watching them in amazement [wow amazing use of adjectives pygmi]. so i'm starting swing lessons again next week and trying to coax sb into being my partner. they had 2 cocktails for $10 happy hour and they were these mother of god giant things but ohhh so tasty.

we danced at the rg for a bit and i was fun just being stupid with big pink and dr jane...[insert story of why i'm sad here but this is a public diary and believe it or not i don't post everything] anyway i'm confident that i'll be fine just need to get over this slump and push on through [secretly i'm probably a sado-masochist and love the pain...] hhmmm..... think i will listen to some no doubt and resist the urge to cut my hair all off.

i can't really explain how i can feel so optimistic at a time like this. i think it's because i know what's wrong and what's making me unhappy and it's just a matter of getting rid off all that. i think partly i'm disappointed that growing up is such an anticlimax to all the shit i went through/ did as a teenager and the thought of finishing uni at the end of this year then getting a job and then what.....

mostly i disappointed in myself for not doing more with my life and myself but i can change that.

this is all just crap these words seem so empty and meaningless when i read over them. what the fuck do i have to be sad about? that pisses me off even more. i'd rather be angry than sad anyway so that's a god start. anger can be vented and sadness you just wallow in [or start a cry band heehee]

perspective and hindsight are both wonderful things.

before*A HREF="030830_53.html">after