nothing new to tell and nothing else to say

the end

i just woke up from the worst dream and now i swear there is nothing left in me. i haven't even tried to ring him but it still feels like someone ripped out my throat and spat in my chest. i try not to think about it and then i have nightmares about it anyway.

i'm suprising myself by how rational i'm being. the most fuct thing is i had plans to take him up the coast next sunday/monday 'cause the beach house was going to be vacant and spend 2 days fucking in the spa for our 2year 2month mini anniversary and drive him back in time for work... mum reminded me yesterday when she asked if i still had plans to come up the coast next weekend and i just cried.

there's the sort of sex you can only have with someone you've been with for ages, where you know everything and you're comfortable enough to try anything and i'm going to miss that. there's lots of things i'm goign to miss. his family, i loved his mum and dad and sisters like they were my own. this is really hard but i can't stop myself from thinking about this now...

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