the guestbook

description of older


learning from mistakes - 2005-06-09
pole lotta love - 2004-09-16
count on this - 2004-09-12
rude girl xscrhcx - 2004-09-11
going out drinking beer - 2004-09-10

if you want to know you'll have to ask

nothing new to tell and nothing else to say

the end

it was good how it was with the new boy, we see eachother once/twice a week listen to cds, watch tv and makeout. we don't go on dates, we don't chat on msn, we don't chat on the phone. it's an sms the day "oi want to hang out tonight?" it's easy, it's fun, it's uncomplicated... no-one gets too attatched and it was working nicely in my fucked-up head space. then tonight he gives me his home phone number with the "incase you ever want to call?"

i liked not knowing it. i don't want to know it. i don't want to call it. i don't want to think i can rely on him to be there. i don't want to be let down by another person. i don't want to be upset when i find out he's fucking other people. i just don't want any of it.

right know at this very moment i have so much anger towards sb i feel like i might explode. i hate him so much right now. under his friendship guise and he clearly doesn't give a fuck about anyone else but himself. he's the most spoilt selfish cunt i have ever come across who always puts himself before anyone else regardless of how it will effect people.

i try and move on and then something reminds me of the way he fucked me [or fucked me over], everyday he told me he loved me, all the promises he made to me and nothing mattered, it was all so meaningless to him that hours later he can completely fuck everything off. 2 years is a really fucking long time. he told me i should trust him.

i lost count of the number of times we broke up. he made me miserable. told me things would be different, he would sort his life out, that he loved me and would never hurt me while lying to my face, looking me directly in the eye. he'd make promises he'd never keep and say things he didn't mean. I FUCKING BELIEVED IT ALL.

hate hate hate.

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