nothing new to tell and nothing else to say

the end

the weekend was full of suprises and new experiences, good and bad. i'm confused about alot of things right now. at the moment it's my love life...

mohawk boy who i've been hanging out with is really great and caring and he's a cutie but honestly he's stood me up 3-4 times now and despite me not wanting a relationship it still really sucks. he tells me alot of things which i don't believe because if they were true then he wouldn't say he wants to see me and not show up or sms 10minutes before we're supposed to met and cancel for whatever reason.

one night we were supposed to hang out and he sms'd me saying he had no money [even though he was the one who organised it] and then told me a couple of days later he'd gotten drunk with mates [sound familiar?reminded me alot of how things were with old love...] but then i have never phoned him at all in 2 months and he always makes sure he keeps in touch so i don't know.

he is suprising, there is always something new about him which amases me. he's really quiet, he doesn't talk alot. i think sometimes i make him really nervous. he does stuff that makes me happy, like when i was drunk he took me to a park so i could go on the slippery dip and play on the swings, he buys me beer when i have no money... i have this nagging suspicion that he's fucking someone else.

then there's the little asian boy i had a crush on. ummm... yeah... not quiet. hmmm... i don't really know him at all. i don't think i'm that "art". he seems alright, both my housemates like him. i don't know what's wrong with me. i wish i could like someone and want to be with them and melt away but i'm really emotionally retarded right now.

when anyone shows interest in me i get excited/nervous and then after that feeling wears off i get scared and hope they don't like me because i don't want to like anyone as more than friends. if i met the right boy maybe it would be different...

i want all the things i can't have. i want romance and flowers and holding out and love letters and mix tapes and movie dates and goodbye kisses and hello hugs and dinner picnics and good suprises and road trips and drunken nights and honesty.

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