nothing new to tell and nothing else to say

the end

a friend of old school friends killed themselves. i don't really know the guy but it took a week before they found his body in his apartment. that seems like a long time to be there without all your friends looking for you. it makes me sort of sad to think about it.

i've thought about it before but it's something i would never do because if it wasn't for the bad times the good times wouldn't be as special and i think you'd become very complacent and disillusioned with life. lately i can't remember the last time i was truly happy.

not happy cause i was so drunk i wanted to be a turtle

not happy because my new internet purchase had arrived in the mail.

not happy because i had good sex/ food [it's all the same]

but the sort of happy when everything is almost just how it should be and when you wake up in the morning smiling.

things aren't bad, and they've definately been worse but i've been feeling abit hhmmmph for the last 2 months. everything's a mess. i can't get rid of the feeling i'm the wrong person in the wrong place at the wrong time doing the wrong thing.

i don't know i just want to be happy again.

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